Love
Potion #9
Everyone, at some time or another, has fantasized about being "romantically irresistible." Wouldn't it be great if we could stroll down to Madame Ruth's (you know the gypsy with the gold-capped tooth) and get a prescription for Love Potion #9? We'd instantly become so attractive, potential mates would flock to us, and we could pick and choose anyone our hearts desired.
Unfortunately, Madame Ruth passed away many years ago and took her secret formula to the grave. Though I don't share Ruth's pharmaceutical talents, I do believe with a lot of honest soul-searching and introspection, some serious changes of attitude and an open heart, anyone can become a "love magnet."
A short article can't do these concepts justice, but here are some basic guiding principles:
Love Favors the Open Heart
One of the most difficult-to-grasp
concepts is the notion of loving and expecting nothing in return. That does
not mean you should make yourself a doormat, letting people take advantage
of you. (While real love is unconditional; relationships do have conditions.)
It means love for the pure joy of loving. Love is a creative act, and like
making art or music, there should be joy in the process. Does it matter if
your doodles never end up in a museum or you never perform the song you sing
in the shower at Carnegie Hall? If your love is not reciprocated, at least
you've loved with an open heart; taken pleasure in making another person happy;
uplifted the souls and spirits of people with whom your life intersects. Ironically,
the more you practice loving without expectation, the more love you will receive…yet
that can't be your goal. (It's a Zen thing.)
Define the Relationship You Want, and Keep Your Eyes on the Prize
"I want to be in a relationship"
is the whine du jour but few give enough thought to the quality of that
relationship. When we fixate on superficial aspects of potential mates (i.e.
appearance, income, or even lifestyle) we overlook the foundations of intimacy.
It is intimacy, the sharing of our true selves, which make us feel loved.
Therefore, when "interviewing" potential mates, forego judgment
based on the superficial and focus on how you connect emotionally; how comfortable
you feel being your real self with them; how instinctively you trust them
to take care of your feelings, and -- perhaps most important -- how they make
you feel about yourself. Give others these same reasons to feel good when
they're with you and people won't be able to tear themselves away from you.
Sit Back and Let Them Come to You
We all want somebody to love us for ourselves, yet when "shopping" for a mate, we wear a façade to disguise our very essence. Learn to relax and be comfortable with yourself. Nothing is more appealing than the self- confidence to just be. Those who are attracted to your real self are people who will stay with you for the long- term. Those who are attracted to your "show face" are more likely to bolt the minute you let your guard down. And let's face it, you can't keep your guard up forever. At the same time, of course, you should be working on losing all that emotional baggage you've been accumulating over the years, and making your real self somebody others want to be with.
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