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This Economy is Killing My Love Life!

Dear Adrienne:

I'm self-employed and fortunately, for the moment, I still have a business, but like just about everyone else, my income has definitely taken a hit this year. Economic predictions are grim and if I can just pay my bills and not fall behind until things get better, I'll consider myself lucky. The thing is, I've always taken women out to nice places and always paid. I'd be embarrassed to ask someone out on a date and take her to some cheap joint or chain restaurant, but I just can't afford my old haunts any more. This is seriously impacting my dating. Any ideas? Suggestions?

DT, New Jersey

Dear Busted Budget

I hear ya, and I sympathize. Here's the good news: I'm sure most women you meet (aside from a total gold-digger) would sympathize too. I realize that for many men, self-confidence is directly related to income, but remember, these days, even millionaires and billionaires are hurting, some of them a lot more than you! In an economy where people are losing their jobs and their homes, being stable; just being able to stay in the black, is a big thing. Accept that this is a temporary situation and work around it.

Try to maximize your dating budget by trying inexpensive but interesting family-owned or funky ethnic restaurants. Choose a place without a liquor license and bring your own wine. (That'll save you a bundle!) Once you get to know a woman better, you can invite her over to your place and cook for her. For first or second dates, try brunch instead of dinner. In the warm weather, try an afternoon picnic.

If all these options are still beyond your budget, I say, be honest. I realize that many women liked to be wined and dined, but someone who is genuinely interested in you, should be happy to spend time with you, wherever. (If you're dating women who are ONLY willing to go out with you if you spend a lot of money on them, your dating problems are deeper than just the economy!)

I was recently watching an episode of Kathy Griffin's "The D List" in which she was dating Steve Wozniak, one of the founders of Apple Computers. She was thinking, "Great. He's a billionaire! He'll wine me and dine me." Instead, he took her to Bob's Big Boy and other "low rent joints" because that's where he felt comfortable. At first, she was a put off by the situation, but he was such great company and so interesting, afterwards she had to admit, she had fun in spite of herself. (Things didn't seem to work out between them for other reasons.)

Being frugal because of what is hopefully a temporary situation does not make you cheap. Any woman worth dating will immediately understand that.

Look at this as an opportunity to see which women like you for yourself, and which are only interested in a guy who'll drop a bundle on them. Learn to lavish attention on your dates instead of money. You may find that though you may go out with fewer women, the quality of the relationships you have with the women you DO date, is much improved.

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