Birthday Gift Dilemma
Dear Adrienne
I've been dating "Don" for about three months. I like him and he seems to like me but we haven't had "the big talk" yet. I'm not dating anyone else and I don't think he is, but I can't be sure and I don't ask. We're still taking it slow. Here's the thing... we'll be spending his birthday together and I want to get him a gift or two, but I'm not sure what. I want it to be personal but not so expensive that he feels uncomfortable. His birthday is before mine, so I have to set the tone. Any good ideas?
SG, Chicago
Dear SG
Oh yes, gift-giving is fraught with subtext and hidden meanings, intended or not. Personally, suggesting keeping it light this time around. I'd go with something thoughtful but not to expensive ($25 or so), which shows you that you "get" him (i.e. a book with an inscription or DVD relating to his hobby or interests; perhaps some sort of equipment or tool he can use when enjoying his hobby or interests.) To make the present-opening more fun, include a few inexpensive but silly items (goofy gag gifts, handmade stuff, favorite or gourmet food items, "boy" toys from the dollar store, etc.) If you want to go the extra mile, make your own wrapping paper by cutting and pasting images of the two of you, or found images from the Internet, onto plain paper. Get creative with "ribbons and bows" (maybe a vintage tie or leather boot laces?)
Your efforts will make him feel special, and the process of opening all the items will be fun. At the same time, he won't be made to feel uncomfortable, obligated or embarrassed by a big ticket item.
I was faced with the same problem years ago. I'd been dating my husband for little over a month when his birthday rolled around. I don't think I got him any one "big" gift that time. Instead, I got him a bunch of small stuff, much of it cheap, free or handmade. Included were mixed tapes (hey, this was the olden days!), a stack of (found) vintage National Geographics with photo essays of places he'd been, some gag gifts which related to inside jokes we shared, funny coupons for "favors" which I made on the computer, dollar store items, and lots of other personal but virtually cost-free stuff. Years later, we continue the tradition. In addition to the more expensive items we now exchange, we still give each other of lots of little, frequently stupid, gifts, often wrapped in misleading ways [i.e. lottery tickets in a shoe box with a can of soup, to make it feel heavy] just for the fun of it. The gifts are the least of it...the unwrapping is all the fun! py
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