Dear
Babe:
I'm a programmer at an Internet company. The dress code at work
is extremely casual, often bordering on the disgusting. The problem
is, I am totally clueless about how to dress outside my office environment.
I'd like to expand my potential dating possibilities to women outside
my industry, but most of them won't even talk to me, let alone go
out with me, dressed as I usually am. On the other hand, I fear
that if I walk into work dressed fashionably, (and I'm not even
sure I know how,) I'll get nothing but ridicule from the other guys
at work. Any suggestions?
--7 Days on the Same T Shirt
Dear 7 Days:
First of all, the hell with the ridicule of the other guys in your
office. When you start dating truckloads of women, who'll be laughing
then? Besides, if they mock you, it's only because they're jealous
that you've risen out of the stinking cesspool they ignorantly call
counter-culture fashion.
Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty. Your sig reveals a lot.
Seven days without washing your shirt? Jeez! Clean clothes
(and a clean body) are essential if you want to make a good impression.
Women generally are not attracted to men who smell like "Eau
de Homeless Guy." Neat is number two. Clean, pressed khakis
are casual but go just about anywhere. Even a pair of well-fitting,
new jeans works well. (Not that shredded pair you've been wearing
with the gaping holes that reveal your knobby knees and sorry butt.)
A comfortable, clean denim or cotton shirt looks great and shouldn't
attract too much derision at work. (You can always wear one of your
old t-shirts underneath, remove the over-shirt at your desk, and
put it back on when you go out in public.) Get rid of those falling-apart
sneakers and buy yourself a nice pair of stylish shoes. And while
you're at it, lose those tattered "shoe dickies" you laughingly
call socks and pick some new ones. If you're really feeling bold,
take yourself to an upscale salon, and let them replace that "I-just-slept-in-a-wind-tunnel"
look with an actual hairstyle. Then be really brave and shave off
the scraggly, Pappy Yokum facial hair.
Darling, you're going to look mahvelous!
