| My
World Revolves Around You...I Hate That!
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I have been dating this wonderful girl for the last four months. We've
been having an absolute blast and we are in love with each other.
Lately though, she has been struggling with her emotions. Before me,
she dated this guy for three years. He became her entire life and
she depended on him for everything. He treated her terribly. She has
often told me she'd never lose herself like that again.
Recently, however, she feels like she has been going back to her old
self. She wants to spend all her time with me. What can I do? It's
not fair that she's blaming me for the sins of her ex. I've told her
that every relationship is different, assured her that I love her
and that I would never hurt her. Aside from that, what else can I
do? I love her and I don't want to lose her.
- Lost Boy
Dear Lost:
You understand, of course, that it isn't you she doesn't trust, but
herself. She is aware of her own tendencies to make her man the center
of her life and she has seen how dangerous that can be. She feels
herself heading in that direction again and it scares her.
I think she's right to be afraid of losing herself in her man. Each
of us - man or woman - must be a whole person unto ourselves in order
to enter into healthy, adult relationships. Relationships that exist
merely to fulfill emotional voids, because we're afraid of being alone
or for other co-dependant reasons, are doomed to unhappiness and failure.
While it might seem wonderful in the beginning to be involved with
somebody who lives only for you, ultimately dependency causes resentment,
anger, insecurity, jealousy and a host of other unpleasant emotions
which, over time, completely destroy love and affection.
If you truly love this woman and want to keep her in your life, help
her to become emotionally independent. Encourage her to socialize
with other friends and pursue personal interests. Give her the confidence
to become her own person. Only then will you know that she's with
you because she wants to be with you and not because she's afraid
to be alone.
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