| Breaking
Up is Hard to Do
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now. We
argue every day about something, yet we can't be without each other.
I think I could be happier with someone else, but I'm scared to break
up with her because finding another girl is a hard thing to do. Still,
I'm tired of arguing about things because she doesn't trust me. Do
you have any advice for me in this situation?
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Dear Breaking Up
Here are the questions to ask yourself: Are you happy? Do you want
to spend the rest of your life with this woman as things are now?
Do the problems you have with her seem fixable? Can you imagine being
happier with someone else? Are you staying with her out of fear of
being alone? Or pure sexual attraction, without real intimacy? If
you answered "no" to the first three questions, and "yes" to the last
three, you owe it to yourself (and to her) to do the brave and correct
thing, and end the relationship.
And though it might take you a while to find another woman to get
involved with, this is your happiness and future we're talking about.
Are you willing to remain in an unhappy situation because you're afraid
to be by yourself? That's the worst possible reason to remain in a
relationship. And you will never find a happy relationship until you
overcome that fear.
Remember, relationships are about relating. They are not just about
having a warm body beside you in bed or a steady date for Saturday
night. Before settling for just anyone remotely in the ballpark, consider
how the two of you actually relate to each other. Are you honest?
Supportive? Loving? Respectful? Generous with time, energy and affection?
Before getting out there and looking for another woman to fill in
the blank, take a long hard look at yourself. What are you looking
for? What qualities are important to you? What are you willing to
compromise on and what are you absolutely not willing to compromise
on? Also, ask yourself what you have contributed to the failure of
your past relationship(s). You said the two of you argue because she
doesn't trust you. Have you given her reasons not to trust you? Before
reflexively answering "no," think about it. Be brutally honest with
yourself. Not until you recognize and overcome your negative and self-destructive
patterns of behavior will you be able to have a healthy, satisfying
romantic life.
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