| Jeepers
Creepers, Am I Dating a Cheater?
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I discovered, after seeing my girlfriend for seven months, that she
cheated on me early on in the relationship. We had been seeing each
other for almost a month and things had gotten pretty serious at a
very fast pace. She then went to New York City with a friend and met
some guy at a club. She danced with him and kissed him. Shortly after
returning to Minneapolis, she booked a trip back to NY for New Year's
Eve. In the end, however, she didn't go. She said she didn't go because
by then, she was falling in love with me. My question is should I
have to worry that my woman is unfaithful, and would you consider
what she did as cheating?
Cheated on or Not?
Dear Cheated:
By your own admission, when you and your girlfriend first started
dating, things moved very quickly. Love, when it hits hard and unexpectedly,
can be a scary thing. While she obviously liked you a lot, she might
have been a little scared or unnerved by the brisk pace. So, off she
goes to New York, a vacation which was probably planned before you
two even met. Now, far from home, she parties in a club. She is perhaps
swept away by the exoticness of being with a "real New Yorker" (which,
I can assure you from vast personal experience, is no great shakes.)
Caught up in the feeling of "living dangerously," she makes plans
to go back to New York for the holidays. I suspect, she wasn't so
much cheating on you, or planning to cheat on you, as running from
her own feelings for you, which might have seemed overwhelming to
her at the time -- precisely because it happened so fast. Once she
spent more time with you, and trusted both you and her own feelings,
she was able to let go of her need to "run away."
Being together a month, no matter how intense things are, does not
make for a "serious" relationship. That's not to say that a serious
relationship couldn't evolve from that. But after just a few weeks
together, feelings are still all over the place. Emotional decisions
are being weighed and made. Often people want to be sure before committing
themselves 100%. She explored some options, and made her decision.
She chose you. Based on your letter, it doesn't sound as if you have
any reason to mistrust or be upset with her.
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