| Youth
& Consequences
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I've been seeing a girl I met in a club four weeks ago-an extraordinary
feat since she's stunning, uniquely charming, ten years older (I'm
22) and we have to speak in a language in which I'm not particularly
proficient. Trouble is, she seems recently to be distancing herself
from me as a lover and being less affectionate towards me. In fact,
I fear that she is beginning to perceive me more like her son (she
already has a 12-year old), despite my best attempts to flirt, assert
my independence (I work) and be sexually suggestive around her.
I am very lavish with the attention I pay her, buying her presents,
making her picnics etc., which she might, I admit, find a bit overwhelming.
But I am careful not to cramp her space too much and never telephone
everyday-especially as she works long, stressful hours as a nurse.
And I know she is attracted to me (she came on to me) and we always
have a laugh together. Am I going wrong somewhere (should I give her
a week's breathing space?) or am I just being paranoid?
Young Pup
Dear Young Pup:
While ten years might not seem like such a big age difference from
your end, there is a huge chasm of experience and maturity between
22 and 32, particularly since she has been raising a child since she
was younger than you and works in a responsible and stressful job
in which she sees illness and death every day. While she might be
sexually attracted to you and might have enjoyed your attention and
companionship, it sounds to me as if you want more from the relationship,
emotionally, than she is willing or able to give.
While you, in your youth, see only green lights ahead and might have
a "love conquers all" mentality, she probably knows better than that.
Your inability to "read" her feelings and your "plow ahead, guns-ablazing"
youthful enthusiasm only demonstrates to her your comparative emotional
immaturity. (No offense. You're young. It's normal.)
Another thing to consider is that while there is much you can get
from a relationship with her (in particular, experience), she might
feel she does not have much to gain from a relationship with a much
younger man. She may not be willing to be your teacher, and whether
or not you feel you need one, she may feel she would have to be one.
I'm sure she likes you and enjoys your company, and probably enjoyed
sex with you (what's not to love about an enthusiastic 22-year old!?),
but she is clearly not interested in a deeper, romantic relationship
with you at this time. If you can just be her friend, great, but back
off on the gifts and romantic gestures. Conserve your feelings for
someone who will reciprocate.
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