| Who's
the Psycho
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I started a friendship with a female and it became sexual. I told
her that I'd like to keep her as a friend, but that I'm not ready
to be in a relationship with her. She agreed and seemed to understand,
but then a week later she's telling everyone that we're in a very
committed relationship with plans of marriage. What gives?
-- Just Want to be Friends
Dear Just:
Either A. she's crazy, B. you're leading her on in some way, C. you're
not giving me all the facts, or D. a little bit of all of the above.
I'm betting option D.
If this woman were a serious wacko, you probably wouldn't have offered
to be friends with her, right? Now, she might be slightly delusional.
Perhaps she's crazed with lust for you and can't think straight. But
if you're having sex with her while, at the same time, telling her
you just want to be friends, it's not fair for you to blame her for
misinterpreting the signals. Look, I know there are women (and men)
out there who are so delusional they seem to be living in a parallel
universe. I've known a few myself. But more often than not, women
are misled by their emotions, which are sometimes purposefully manipulated
by men who just want to get into their pants. The men justify their
behavior by saying "Well, I told her I didn't want to get emotionally
involved." If you want to have sex with a woman and don't want to
be in a serious relationship, find a woman who feels as you do. It's
not fair to prey on vulnerable women just to get laid.
Are you really sure you haven't led this woman on in some way? Not
even a little? Have you led her to believe you're not ready for a
relationship now but may be in the future, knowing that as long as
you keep her hope alive, she'll continue to sleep with you? Are you
treating her in a sexual way, thereby giving her the idea that there's
something between you, though you may deny it verbally? (Remember,
women often have a much harder time than men separating sex from love.)
If you really have no romantic interest in this woman, end this "friendship"
and move on. If she's totally psychotic, run, don't walk. If she's
a nice woman who's simply not willing or able to accept half-measures,
your life will be less complicated without her. And if you've misled
her, shame on you! Do her a favor and get the hell out of her life.
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