| Come,
Come Now!
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
How can I tell if my girlfriend has really had an orgasm? I know a
lot of women fake it, so how can a man really ever know the truth?
-- Is it real or is it Memorex?
Dear Is It Real:
Well, that's one secret weapon we woman have: we can lie either way.
We can tell you we've had an orgasm to preserve your feelings, or
tell you that they were all fake with you, just to cut you to the
bone. (No pun intended.)
If your girlfriend's orgasm is important to you -- as it should be
-- you have to create a relationship in which she feels comfortable
telling you the truth. The road to orgasm tends to be more mental
and emotional for women, whereas for men it's more purely physical.
Some lucky women are able to orgasm every time they have intercourse.
Others find it a bit more challenging and are not always up to the
effort. Sometimes, a woman enjoys the intimacy of intercourse and
the vicarious pleasure of pleasing her man, but just can't focus or
muster enough energy to have an orgasm herself. If she knows this
is OK with you -- that you are willing to do whatever she needs to
bring her to climax if that's what she wants, but that it won't
hurt your masculine ego if she opts to quit before the earth moves
-- she'll be free to tell you the truth all the time. Once she's freely
able to admit that she hasn't climaxed, for whatever reason,
you'll never have to worry that she's faking it.
Experiment in bed with different positions and techniques. Encourage
your girlfriend to let you know how she enjoys each one. Should you
add them to your repertoire or not? At the same time, don't approach
her orgasm as a prize to be won at any cost. Remember, getting there
is half the fun. If you insist that she climax every time (and that
insistence might be obvious by your actions and overabundance of enthusiasm,
not necessarily your words) she may feel pressured into lying to you
when she can't get over the hump and just wants to get the hell to
sleep already.
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