| Whud
I Do Wrong?
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
My girlfriend wants to end our relationship of five years, claiming
I've grown cold and insensitive. She won't talk on the phone or meet
me to hear my explanations or to sort things out. I guess we didn't
communicate properly as she didn't tell me her expectations. She said
I should write her. How do I regain her trust, show her how much I
care, and rebuild our relationship?
Befuddled:
Dear Befuddled:
"We" didn't communicate properly or "you" didn't? I
suspect the latter. I further suspect that your girlfriend gave you
plenty of hints, perhaps even blatant demonstrations, for a long time,
which you ignored. But hey, you're a guy. Ignoring women's needs and
feelings is something many of you excell at.
Armed with such little information, I am going to have to go purely
by my instincts. I'm guessing you were taking your beloved for granted.
You probably no longer listened to her when she talked. I'll bet when
she tried to tell you of her dissatisfaction, you brushed her off
and were unwilling to discuss "relationship" issues. I'm guessing
you placed more importance on your own needs than on hers.
Good relationships require work and sacrifice. The theory is, you
take care of her needs and she takes care of yours. That's the glue
that holds things together. If you're both selfish louts who only
care about yourselves, what's the point of being in a relationship
at all? If one of you is unhappy, the other cannot possibly be happy
for long. Therefore, it's incumbent upon each of us to make sure our
significant other is content, satisfied and fulfilled.
Also, men and women's ideals of the perfect mate are quite different.
Generally, a man's ideal woman is one who doesn't bug him too much,
readily provides good sex, has good domestic skills, and brings him
a cold beer when he's watching the game. Women, in general, have greater
emotional needs: they need frequent and sincere displays of affection,
attentive listening, feeling important (ie, more than a housekeeper
and love slave) in her man's life. Her feelings, whether or not you
understand them, or even think they are reasonable, must be taken
seriously, even though it may seem to you as if she cares too much
about unimportant things.
Think back to when you first met, back when you were extremely attentive
to her, before you got complacent. If you want to win her back, try
to recapture the feelings and behavior of the early days. And remember,
you can't "be good" just to win her back, then allow things to slide.
You have to "be good" all the time. If you're not willing to
make your relationship a priority, you're both better off going
your separate ways.
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