| Dumped
for a Babe
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I have been dating "Jenna" for almost three years. Although we've
had our issues, I was pretty happy and satisfied in our relationship,
and thought she was too. Several months ago, Jenna started to get
distant. She practically cringed whenever I touched her. I finally
confronted her about it and she admitted she'd been having an affair…with
a woman! She then confessed that she always fantasized about women
and had probably always been a lesbian, but just never admitted it
to herself. She is now living with this other woman and seems to be
happy. I am hurt and confused. Did I do something to drive her away
or turn her off to men? Friends have said it's not my fault, but I
can't help but think that it is. If I'd been a better lover, perhaps
she would not have left. How can I get past this?
-- Dumped for a Babe
Dear Dumped:
Nothing I or your friends say will suddenly make you feel better.
What will eventually cure your broken heart is time…and perhaps another
talk with Jenna, to help you understand that you had nothing to do
with her sexual orientation.
Bear this in mind: homosexuality is not so much about who people have
sex with, but about who people love. It is not a "lifestyle
choice," anymore than your being emotionally and sexually attracted
to women is a lifestyle choice. It is who you are. You can repress
your feelings only so long before they either A) come out or B) make
you and those around you miserable.
To some people, their own sexual orientation is obvious from the time
they are small children. Some don't figure it out until they are much
older. I have several friends who've been married, had children, and
lived "normal" heterosexual lives, only to come out of the closet
many years later. In every case, it was a liberating experience for
them, and they all seem much happier for it.
Consider yourself fortunate that Jenna discovered her sexual preference
now. She might have continued to repress her feelings, married you,
borne your children, and left you for another woman twenty years from
now. Now that would have been devastating! Eventually, you
will find another woman to love, who will love you without reservations,
and you will be grateful that Jenna did not bind you into an unnecessarily
complicated and troubled relationship.
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