| Book
of Love
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear Babe:
Is there an honest book that fully tells what's in store for the man
after marriage?
-- Groom to Be
Dear GTB:
Marriage is what you and your spouse make it. How happy and rewarding
you find it will largely depend upon your reasons for getting married,
your relationship skills and your level of emotional maturity.
If you're both evolved, caring people who communicate well, support
each other emotionally, respect each other totally, and have essentially
the same life goals and values, marriage can be a joyous and wonderful
thing.
If one (or both) of you thinks the other person can "rescue" them
from a life of loneliness, lack of sex, financial stress, social ostracism,
or having to indulge in bad habits alone, marriage will probably be
a big disappointment.
Too often, people marry for what I consider the wrong reasons. Once
they figure it's time to settle down, they hook up with somebody based
on rather superficial criteria: sexual compatibility, physical appearance,
similar short-term goals (ie, starting a family) and similar lifestyles
(ie, both live in the city and work long hours.) While all of these
shared traits are good to have, in terms of long-range success, they're
fairly low on the list.
Physical appearance changes over time. That cute blonde with the perky
breasts you married may, after a passel o' young 'uns, end up with
gray hair and tits down her waist. And you, you handsome stud, may
end up with a Homer Simpson gut, a bad comb-over and a head of Don
King hair growing out of your ears. Do you have enough love and respect
for each other to survive that?
Let's say, after a few years, one of you decides you want to give
up the city life and move to a cabin in Alaska. Will the other one
come along? In other words, is it more important to be together or
to maintain your status quo? Is this person a true partner or just
a lifestyle accessory, like the right car, which you can trade in
when it no longer suits you? Are you willing to do the work (and don't
kid yourself… there's plenty of work and compromise to be done)?
Take these factors into account before tying the knot, choose your
partner wisely and well, and you can have a marriage which brings
you comfort and joy long into your old age.
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