| Just
Call Me (Door) Matt
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I am a divorced single dad with kids. My wife had six affairs while
I was fighting in Desert Storm. She even brought one man to our house
and was caught by our son making love to him in our bed! I was an
idiot, and still tried to keep the relationship together, though it
was one-sided for 7 years.
When I finished with the army, she left me with the kids for another
man. He turned out to be abusive and alcoholic. When he almost killed
her, I came to her rescue. She came home and promised my entire family
she would never leave again. She didn't keep that promise for long
so I finally divorced her, keeping and raising the children myself.
She was eventually diagnosed with something called Co-Dependency Disorder.
She begged to come back, and like a fool, I let her back into the
house where we have lived for the past two years. I have done my best
to make this work but I'm miserable. She won't make love to me, shows
no passion and only shows affection to the children.
I've told her that if we're going to keep trying, she has to get back
into counseling, which she has not done. I know I'm an enabler but
I can't bear to ask her to leave. It would hurt the kids too much.
I don't know anymore how to handle this mess. Do you have any advice?
--Just Call Me (Door) "Matt"
Dear (Door) Matt:
Why should she get counseling when she's getting everything she wants?
She gets to live with her kids (probably rent free). She doesn't have
to make love to you or, it seems, even be honest with you. She can
pretty much do whatever she wants, knowing you won't kick her out.
She's got you wrapped around her finger.
SHE doesn't have a problem. YOU do. It's your life that's miserable.
You're the one being taken advantage of. You're the one who needs
counseling, and fast. You need to understand why you put up with such
shoddy treatment. Do you feel such little regard for yourself that
you would continue to forgive a woman who's been cuckolding, lying
to you and manipulating you for years?
You already admit that you're an enabler. You should know then, you
are as much at fault in this relationship as she is. By enabling her,
you just perpetuate the problem. She'll never change until she has
to pay severe consequences for her actions (and even then, maybe not.)
You need to stand up for yourself (and your kids) and kick her out
once and for all. And if you need therapy to help you reach that point,
get it.
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