| The
Great Blandini
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I'm 32 and I am having a hard time meeting women. How can I appear
more personable to meet women??
--Dull as Dishwater
Dear Dull:
It is not enough to merely appear personable. You must actually be
personable. That entails, in part, having a real personality. Your
letter is curt, gives little information, communicates nothing about
your feelings, and is, frankly, not at all interesting. I can only
assume it is an accurate reflection of your persona.
Look, there are no overnight miracle cures for becoming the life of
the party, but it helps if you are willing to actually communicate
with other people. Read a book, see a film, join a book discussion
group or other organization -- have something interesting to talk
about. Cultivate your own opinions. Don't worry if not everyone agrees
with you. People who try to please everyone, end up pleasing no one,
least of all themselves. Say what's on your mind. Be willing to take
emotional risks. Take a stand on important issues. In other words,
get involved with life.
If you're shy, take some public speaking or debate classes. If you're
pathologically shy, see a therapist.
Do things that are interesting, and people will seek you out. Everybody
wants to talk to the guy who just climbed Everest. But you don't even
have to do anything that dramatic. Travel to interesting places. Volunteer
at an interesting job. Take up an interesting hobby. People will want
to hear about these things. If you sit around at home alone with a
six-pack and the remote control, feeling sorry for yourself, even
your own mother won't want to hear from you.
Observe the people you admire. How do they behave? How do they live
their lives? Learn by example and imitation. It may feel as if you're
faking it at first, but hopefully, eventually, it will become natural
to you. Soon, you will forge your own trails and develop a personality
which is uniquely yours.
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