| Win
At Love By Working the System
Written
and moderated by Adrienne Gusoff
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Dear
Babe:
I'm an average-looking 6' tall guy, medium build, in my early 20's.
I want to know what does a man have to do to impress a woman of today?
I've tried everything - theater, candlelit dinners, staying home and
just talking. It might work for a night or a few weeks, but that's
it. I have no problem getting dates with extremely beautiful women,
but I can't seem to do enough to please them. What's wrong with today's
women? What the heck does a guy have to do?
-- Nice Guy Finishing Last
Dear Last:
It's wrong, pointless and self-defeating to blame your romantic failures
on the (perceived) faults of the opposite sex. You can't change other
people. You can only change yourself. If you want to rail against
the unfairness of it all, go ahead, but it won't get you anywhere.
If you want to win at love, you've got to learn to work the system.
That means understanding yourself and understanding women. Yeah, it's
a bitch, I know, because women and men are on a whole different wavelength.
You're thinking, "She might as well tell me to learn Chinese."
You don't have to learn Chinese, of course, but if you want
to live in China or do business with Chinese-speaking merchants, don't
you think it would be a handy skill? If you want to "do business"
with women, you have to learn to speak their language, understand
their needs - and understand yourself, as well.
Here you are, a supposedly decent guy who's willing to jump through
hoops to impress a woman, and yet your love life sucks. Have you considered
that while these women may appreciate your attempts to woo them, they
might be turned off by other things about you? Maybe it's your breath
or lack of personal hygiene. Maybe you "expect something" in return
for your efforts. (Nobody likes to feel obligated. It spells death
for romance.) Maybe your expectations of the relationship are too
much, too soon. Or maybe you're a nice guy lacking self-respect, which
is a big turn-off for both sexes. Perhaps you're just choosing the
wrong women (and if so, you should take a hard look at yourself to
understand why.)
Look, I know guys really hate to dissect relationships and aren't
much into emotional self-analysis. Perhaps if I met you, I could put
my finger on one specific thing you're doing to turn women off, but
since I don't know you, I'm afraid you're just going to have to do
the dirty work yourself.
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